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Cuckold, Hotwife, Stag, and Swinger: What’s the difference?

We might use the term “cuckold” to talk about any non-monogamous woman in a relationship with a man who stays sexually faithful to her.

It’s convenient to have one word to cover the whole fetish. But in fact, these fantasies exist with a wide range of different flavors.

It might help you (or your hesitant partner) to understand some of the varieties of cuckold or hotwife fantasies out there.

Let’s see how to understand your “cuckold” fantasy by telling it apart from a hotwife, a stag (or ‘alpha-cuck’), and a swinger.


All of these fantasies revolve around one thing…

The basic premise behind all of these fantasies is pretty simple: there’s a sexually promiscuous wife with a monogamous husband.

What isn’t this plain old cheating?

In these fantasies, there is a wife who has sex with other men, and a husband who gets his pleasure out of that arrangement.

(When we say “wife” and “husband”, it’s shorthand. You don’t have to be married or engaged, as long as you’re in a committed relationship with each other.)

Cuckolds and hotwives are different from swingers, who are couples involved in “wife swapping” (as it used to be called; it’s probably better called “spouse swapping” since the ladies get to enjoy the men, too). Swingers tend to be more egalitarian about the arrangements, with the men and women sharing sex equally.

Cucks and hotwives share asymmetrically. The men stay committed to one pussy… and the women are free to entertain and enjoy strange dick with that pussy.

Does that sounds unfair? The major difference between a swinger husband and a cuck is that the cuck wants that unfairness. It’s part of his thrill.

What about hotwives and cuckolds? How are they different?

There’s one easy way to tell the difference. You start by asking the question…

Who wants it?

If she wants it, or is in charge of the cheating, we call it cuckolding.

If he instigates it and derives pleasure from mainly her promiscuity (or being in control of it), then it’s more of a hotwife or stag arrangement.

This can get confusing because the husband of a hotwife can still be called a cuckold. He’s married and monogamous to a woman who has consensual permission to have sex with other men.

For that reason, it helps to call these men stags. They take pleasure in spousal infidelity and may participate in it on a limited basis. Unlike the cuckold, the stag’s enjoyment and excitement does not come from the shame, pain, guilt, or humiliation of the sex. He’s just madly aroused by his wife’s body in the throes of passion, pleasing and being pleased by other men.

You might say that…

The stag feels passion instead of jealousy, while the cuckold enjoys being jealous

The traditional type of cuckold has all the usual negative feelings and reactions to his wife’s active sex life and he wants them. The angst is the source of the cuckold husband’s pleasure.

That’s another point of difference between the actual cuckold and the stag husband…

The stag husband wants to be in charge of his wife’s cheating ways

The thing with a cuckold fantasy is that the husband wants his wife to take control of their sex life.

He wants her to tell him that she’s interested in other men. He wants to hear about her old boyfriends who were bigger, longer-lasting, and more pleasing in bed. He wants her to come home after a night out with the girls absolutely dirty after another man has used her.

This can be awkward when the cuckold’s wife isn’t that interested in going outside of the relationship. Or if you’ve got two generally submissive types, one cuckold husband and one hotwife that craves domination by a strong alpha-male type.

Not so for the stag and vixen relationship.

What happens when your cuck wants to be in charge of the whole thing? You get a stag husband instead of a true-blue cuck.

What’s the difference?

Cuckold/Hotwife is the one that gets a lot of press and porn
these days. That is the one where the female can have sex with
anyone she wants while the male stays monogamous to the hotwife.
This genre often includes humiliation of the cuckold and/or
female-led relationship.

Stag/Vixen is essentially the same except that there is no
humiliation on the male partner.

posted on r/CuckoldPsychology

The stag finds deep sexual gratification in vicariously experiencing or observing his wife’s active sex life.

He isn’t interested in any woman besides his wife, who he loves deeply. He finds a stronger connection with his wife when she is getting banged good and hard by other guys.

There are reasons to think that this may have to do with his biological imperative to reproduce. His body goes into sexual overdrive knowing that his wife’s body is getting sex from other partners. This is called sperm competition.

If the cuckold wants to experience domination to a stronger woman or a couple (like his wife and a strong alpha-male bull), the stag husband imagines himself in full control of the situation.

He’s a willing and enthusiastic participant in his wife’s sexual infidelity. He might find the ultimate erotic pleasure in “taking her back” after another man has been inside her.

Ladies, if your male partner has just told you about this kink, how can you tell if you have a cuckold or a stag on your hands?

How to tell what your cuckold husband likes

Your cuckold will get hung up on hearing about your past sexual exploits and he’ll probably be into emasculation and humiliation. Tell him he’s got a small dick which doesn’t satisfy you. Tell him that you’re going “out with the girls” and ask him if he’s got any condoms.

Stags want to have a ‘personal porn star‘. They want to pretend that they’re married to a sexually open, adventurous, even voyeuristic woman. He wants to watch you and he wants to know that you get off on being watched.

This post from Reddit captures the stag mindset:

What arouses me is basically the following:

* I like the idea that I will be together with my very own pornstar

* I can have a different viewing perspective while she has sex and just enjoy watching

* I can see that she attracts other men and is wanted by them

* I like it seeing that she gets dominated and has a “good fuck”

* I like it seeing that she loves having sex with others, enjoying their cock inside her

* And I like the fact that men use her body to please themselves, that she is a perfect tool to satisfy any sexual need

This goes so far that – in the long term – I want her having sex with multiple guys at once or that dozen of men touch her boobs in a swinger club.

Despite all the illusions of monogamy and male ego, men love being with a slutty, sexually open-minded, woman.

The stag and vixen fantasy helps explain why so many men are comfortable, even secretly happy, having their wives make porn or even work as escorts. Porn stars like Jodi West and Maitland Ward are happily married to their non-porn partners.

It’s not a cold financial decision. Many of these suitcase pimps are thrilled with the knowledge that their most intimate life-partner spreads her legs for other men.

What next?

By now, you’ll have some idea of where you call on the spectrum of cuckold fantasies.

If you’re into the emotional side of jealousy, angst, and humiliation, you’re probably a cuck.

If you’re just into the hot sexual arousal of being married to an open-minded porn-star wife, then you’re more likely to be a stag husband who is into “hotwifing”.

We didn’t say much about swingers or open relationships in this article. There’s a heavy overlap, though we find that there’s a definite niche of people interested in the one-sided female-only cheating of cuckoldry.

The same goes for Dom/sub play. These themes run wild through the whole spectrum of hotwife and cuckolding fantasies. A cuckold husband might really get off on being put into male chastity and denied orgasms. A stag might want his vixen wife to tie him up while she has sex with another couple (MM or MF).

Teasing, control, and domination are key ingredients to all wife-sharing, cuckolding, and stag-vixen fantasies. Let your imagination run wild.

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[…] There are different versions of the wife sharing fantasy. You can read more about that here: What’s the difference between a swinger, a cuckold, and a stag husband? […]

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