Ladies: has your boyfriend, fiance, or husband ever talked dirty to you about flirting with other men?
- Has he teased you about getting sex from other guys?
- Has he told you that he likes the thought of you being with another man?
- Does he ask you about your sex life with old boyfriends?
If so, it might be that your husband is a cuckold.
In this article, we’re going to give you a quick introduction to what that means, what you can do about it… and why you might enjoy it more than you think.
If this is all new to you, don’t worry. We’ll break down your husband or boyfriend’s kink, give it a little context, and help you try to make sense of what he’s asking of you.
Many women hear this request, with no warning, and have one of two responses.
- You get suspicious. There’s no way you heard him right. He wants me to sleep with other guys while he stays committed? Uh-uh. There’s got to be a catch.
- You get upset. Sleep with other guys? Are you out of your mind? I’m not a slut. What you’re asking is disgusting. I’m not like that.
These are perfectly understandable reactions. After all, you couldn’t imagine yourself wanting to see him with another girl, right? So how could he expect it from you, with no strings attached? It’s too good to be true, right?
When your man tells you his secret fantasy, there’s some things that you need to know about the male sex drive.
Table of Contents
The first thing: Take a breath and relax
If he’s mentioned this kinky fantasy to you, or if you suspect he’s angling for it, it’s not the end of the world.
Here’s what he’s not trying to do:
- He’s not looking to have an affair for himself.
- He doesn’t want a “hall pass” to get with another girl.
- He’s definitely not trying to break up your relationship.
You might think it’s a weird fantasy to have or even find it a disgusting turn off.
Whatever your own response, you can rest assured that he’s being 100% serious.
He wants exactly what he tells you he wants. He gets off imagining you hooking up with other men.
There are reasons for this cuckolding fantasy, which we don’t need to get into here. Some people think that evolution programmed men to find sexual enjoyment in promiscuous women.
Others think it’s a psychological defense mechanism to guard against cheating, or a learned response to past unfaithful girlfriends. Her cheating can’t hurt you if you’re getting off on it, right?
However you shake it out, a lot of men find sexual pleasures in the idea of their wives and girlfriends being sexual with other men. We’re talking well over half of men who would be “down” for their special lady getting frisky if the circumstances were right.
Which means that he’s not looking to bail on you with another girl.
He doesn’t find you unsatisfying.
If anything it’s just the opposite: he’s so into you that he’s deriving his sexual pleasure from you and you alone.
In his mind, he’s adoring you. He’s putting your pleasure above his own.
The female mind doesn’t work this way with sex.
Women are more prone to get with one guy and commit everything to him.
Her physical desire is much more strongly connected to her feelings for the person, compared to men.
Which means, when he tells you that he wants you to sleep around, it’s like showing a stop sign to a color blind person.
You don’t experience sexual attraction this way, so you just don’t get it.
No wonder you’re suspicious or angry or both.
Meanwhile, your cuckold husband believes he’s allowing you the ultimate sexual gift — the freedom to have sex with any man you desire.
You might wonder what he gets out of the deal. That depends.
What kind of cuck is he? The difference between swingers, hotwives, and cuckolds
There are different versions of the wife sharing fantasy. You can read more about that here: What’s the difference between a swinger, a cuckold, and a stag husband?
Until recently most people knew this as swinging or an open marriage.
Swingers swap spouses with other couples.
Open marriages give each partner a free pass for casual sex with others.
Cuckolding is different. Only the wife or girlfriend has sex outside of the relationship, while the husband or boyfriend stays monogamous.
And this is his idea.
As bizarre as it sounds, far more men are into this than women.
Within cuckolding you have several different types of fantasy.
The traditional cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful to him while he’s unaware of it.
There’s still an element of this going on in cuckold relationships where the female motive is dominant. She takes control as the dominant partner and gets with other men while her husband is reluctant, hesitant, or (more likely) a submissive partner.
This can get weird because the dynamic doesn’t always work. Instead what usually happens is that the cuck husband imagines this playing out, even though his wife is shy, reluctant, submissive or conservative.
You’ve got two people who are sexually submissive to each other.
This may be one of the major drivers of the cuckold fantasy. The wannabe-cuck wishes she would be more sexual for any reason, even if that means hooking up with other guys.
The cuckold craves the humiliation, the angst, and the submissive role. He wants his wife, and maybe her lover (called a bull), to take charge, boss him around, and treat him like dirt. Small penis fantasies and male chastity are part of this.
A lot of what you find however are couples who approach cuckolding as equal partners.
In this case, the unfaithful wife is called a hotwife. Hotwives date with their husband’s enthusiastic consent and limited participation.
If cuckolding is motivated by the woman, the hotwife fantasy is motivated by masculine energy.
A cuckold’s wife (called a cuckoldress) also dates with her husband’s knowledge and permission, but the dynamic is different for hotwife couples.
The hotwife’s husband — we can call him a stag for short — experiences sexual pleasure in knowing that his wife has sex with other men.
He’s not interested in the angst and humiliation. He’s there to watch hot sex with the woman he loves most.
He wants his wife to be his real-life porn star.
We can talk about stag and vixen relationships to distinguish this hotwife dynamic from plain cuckolding.
You can think of cuckolding in all forms as a kind of BDSM play.
Domination by your wife, and the ‘hurts so good’ thrill and pain of a cheating partner makes for a healthy brew of Dom/sub and Masochist energy.
Not only that, there’s a lot of crossover with other themes, such as denial of penetration, orgasm denial, full male chastity, and even extreme humiliation like “clean up” duty or being tied up in bondage to watch her have sex.
Men: if this describes you and your female partner isn’t on board, you’d be well advised to stay well away from these extremes before she’s had time to warm up to the ideas.
The extremes can be a big turn off, especially if it’s your first trip to this pool.
Chances are your husband hasn’t gone this far into it, though.
Porn aside, most guys who show signs of cuckold and hotwife curiosity aren’t really into that level of hardcore play.
If your hubby is like most, he’s getting his rocks off imagining you getting down and dirty with another guy, while he’s watching and jerking off — and that’s all he’s into.
The fantasy itself is enough of an earthquake shock to most monogamous partners.
Sex is a big deal in a marriage. Getting it from another partner besides your husband is a big ask.
Save the wild stuff until you’ve made the easy case.
One last thing: The words don’t matter so much.
We use the word “cuckolding” for all this kinky ladies-only sex.
We might be talking about a hotwife or a cuckold or even swingers.
If you want to find out what he’s really into, you’ll have to ask him.
Talk to your husband to get a feel for what he’s down for…
And what you might be comfortable or not so comfortable with.
So your husband is a cuckold. What now?
Many women first hear all about this fantasy and, pardon our Francais, they lose their shit.
How could he? Doesn’t he love me? Aren’t I good enough? I bet he just wants to get with another girl and this is his way out!
The thoughts start racing and a serious conversation becomes impossible.
You must understand one vital thing: Sex is Weird.
What gets people off isn’t what the romance movies and cheesy sitcoms told you.
Everybody’s into weird stuff.
If you stop and think about it, though, it’s not that weird… and it might even be more loving, selfless, and even romantic than you realize.
He wants to watch you.
It might help if you think of his cuckold fantasy as the mirror image of a voyeurism kink.
Many women admit to a thrill from being watched during sex.
Some women go so far as to fantasize about their husbands watching them get fucked by another guy. (Needless to say these women are ideal cuckoldress and hotwife partners for men with this fantasy.)
The male counterpart is called candaulism. You can think of candaulism as the mirror image of the voyeuristic woman.
She wants to be watched and he gets off watching her.
A wife can take comfort knowing that her man is not only loyal to her, he’s not even straying to watch porn. He wants to see your body in action, because he loves you and that’s what brings him pleasure.
Men have evolved to enjoy cheating and sharing.
You may not realize this since so much of the media portrays men as stoic, macho, jealous types who could never think of letting another man touch their special lady.
The truth is that cuckold fantasies, wife-sharing fantasies and hotwifing fantasies are consistently ranked among the top male sexual fantasies.
When neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed the contents of a billion online search terms as research for their 2012 book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, they discovered that “cuckold porn” is second only to “youth” in heterosexual porn searches.“Cuckolded: Why do so many men fantasize about their wives cheating on them?” by Justin Lehmiller
Think what you will but a whole lot of men are at least cuckold-curious even if they can’t admit it in good company.
Sure, he say it’s a “threesome” he wants, but that doesn’t always mean he wants to have two girls at once.
And, ladies, you should know that a good number of guys are thinking about bringing another swinging dick in the room for your pleasure when they bring up the T-word.
Plenty of men find the idea of you enjoying sex with another man an arresting and almost explosive erotic experience.
Especially as men get a little older and the lustful years of the horny teenager leave them behind, the idea of sexually satisfying even one woman can become daunting. Pleasing two women sounds more like work than fun.
That threesome he’s after might be MFM rather than FFM.
He loves you so much that he wants you to experience sex even without him.
If you look at it this way, it’s hard to see the cuckold’s desire as anything less than romantic. He’s in love with you, taking pleasure in your body… he’d rather think about you in action than watch porn.
That’s a hell of a complement, ladies. You’d be so lucky to have a man that loyal to you.
You’re in a relationship with a man who has an unorthodox, but not all that weird, sexual kink… which, unlike many kinks, works entirely in your favor as an attached woman.
If you think that’s an exaggeration, ask your self which scenario you’d prefer?
(A) The option to be ravished by that handsome stud you saw at the gym, with no risk to yourself, no strings, and a loving relationships at home?
(B) The usual bro-fantasy of sharing him with another girl in the typical FFM threesome?
That’s what we thought.
No need to be shy about it. You’re in good company.
Female sexuality also responds to multiple male partners.
The Twilight series, the books and the movies, didn’t get so popular with women by accident.
It turns out that women and men get physically excited and mentally aroused when multiple men desire one woman.
We’re natural-born cuckold fetishists.
For most couples the revelation of a cuckold fantasy doesn’t have to change anything.
This doesn’t mean you have to head out to the nearest pick-up bar and go home with the first guy who buys you a drink.
Please don’t do that.
You need to move slowly, patiently, with lots of conversations about what you want and don’t want, and above all, you need to vet your stunt-cocks.
Porn and erotica (including ours) will show you whirlwind affairs that begin on a whim, never use a condom, and have no consequences.
That’s because this is a fucking hot fantasy and we’d all love it if sex happened this way.
In the real world, you need to be more prudent.
Your cuckold man might be just fine with foreplay pillow-talk and teasing him about flirting with other guys while you give him a slow handjob.
Remember: many fantasies are best left as fantasies. Just because he enjoys the idea doesn’t mean he would really want you to spread your legs for a stranger.
What if we want to play with his cuckolding fantasy?
The first step is always to relax.
Your husband is a cuckold. So what?
It’s not the end of your relationship, and if you’re willing to listen to his needs and communicate your own, you can find a lot of positives for both of you.
If you approach it with an open mind.
That’s the next first step for all of these cases.
If you shut him down…
If you get grumpy or offended…
If you moralize his fantasy…
If you try to explain why he has these feelings instead of listening…
You’re going to cause friction.
The remedy is communication and honesty. Communicate with your husband or boyfriend and try to understand where he’s coming from and what he’s really after.
And you know what else? Ask yourself if you’re really turned off by it… or if you’re saying what you think you’re supposed to say.
There’s a lot of research into female sexual desire which suggests women are far more responsive to promiscuous sex with lots of different men.
Your womanly sexual desire might be stoked by a verboten affair more than you can admit even to yourself.
Again, it comes down to communication, honesty, and trust. If you’re not comfortable expressing what YOU want, neither of you will find satisfaction.
But that’s true for any part of sex.
The main thing?
Have fun with it. It’s sex, with the person closest to you in the world. You’re meant to enjoy it.
Here’s what you can do next.
- Move slow. It’s hard to do this when lust is the principle motivator. The thing is, in his mind he’s probably bottled this up for a long time, so he’s going to be aching. Just remember: once you’ve had sex with another man, you can’t un-fuck him. Make sure you’re both okay before you move outside of fantasy-land.
- Talk to him. Communication is key, and so many couples never tell each other what they want. If you’re tempted to put your foot down and never talk, then you’re doing far more damage to your relationship than his sexual kink.
- Respect his desires and your own boundaries. If you aren’t comfortable with something, then don’t go for it. You’re listening to him, so make sure that you tell him what YOU are and aren’t okay with.
- Privacy and safety must come first. Any time you involve another person, you are sharing your most intimate life with them. That can be fun and exciting. It can also have down sides. Take precautions when finding and meeting other men.
One simple, fun, and no-risk way to start out with cuckolding and stag-vixen fantasies is with role play and sex toys.
Get a life-like dildo which is slightly bigger than your husband’s penis and taunt him with it.
Give it a name, like “Diego”.
Tell him you’re fucking Diego tonight, so he has to watch and jerk off.
Tease him about going out to fuck another guy if you go out for after-work drinks.
If you’re ready to step it up a notch, then flirt with other men in public.
Make a date for the two of you in a public space like a bar.
Wear sexy clothes, like a sundress with no panties.
Come on to guys openly, right in front of him.
It’s a good test-run without committing to anything serious. If he can’t handle this part, then he’s not going to handle his wife having sex with someone else.
Before you go…
Did you know that WHTC has an exclusive members-only club for men and women who can’t get enough of our kinky hotwife/cuckold kink?
You’ll have to apply to join. We can’t let in just anyone.
But if you’re approved, you’ll be first to know about great articles like this… and other filthy secrets that we don’t talk about here…
Interested? Click the yellow button to get started now:
Cuckolding and Hotwifing FAQ
What is cuckolding?
A form of open relationship defined by consensual female non-monogamy and male monogamy.
The wife gets sex outside of the relationship while the husband stays loyal.
What is hotwifing?
A variation of the cuckold relationship that involves more active participation of the husband in his wife’s exploits.
The term “hotwife” usually distinguishes this kind of play from a cuckold relationship that centers on the husband’s inadequacy and his desire for submission and humiliation.
Hotwife relationships focus more on the sex than the humiliated husband.
Isn’t “wife sharing” a sexist idea?
It could be taken that way.
We believe it’s better to understand the phrase more like sharing water, sharing a home… or sharing a bed… than sharing a piece of property that you own.
Wife sharing is sharing female sexuality in a spirit of pleasure and generosity.
What do couples get out of cuckold & hotwife relationships?
Couples in this lifestyle, or interested in it, find it both intensely erotic and intimate.
It’s not for everyone, but those men and women who do find it arousing enjoy unrivaled sexual enjoyment from her sexual infidelity.
What are the drawbacks of cuckold relationships?
The same as you’d expect from any “cheating” situation.
There’s the possible emotional pain of jealousy, shame, guilt, and fear that she’ll leave with another lover for good.
There’s the physical risk, of pregnancy and STDs, and even potential threats to safety and privacy.
You’re inviting a man you may not know well into your most intimate world… and it goes without saying that employers and the local Bible group may think dimly of your escapades should they come out.
What about stag and vixen couples?
Stag and vixen refer to a cuckolded male — the ‘horns’ of the cuckold — and his cheating wife.
These usually refer to a hotwife and her husband, being easier to say than “hotwife” and “husband of a hotwife”.
How is cuckolding different from swinging?
Swinging used to be called “wife swapping” before the sexist implications of swapping wives became generally frowned on.
Unlike cuckolding and hotwife relationships, swinging involves mutual sharing of both sexual partners between two or more couples.
Swingers allow the men to have sex as well.
Cuckolds & hotwives keep the husband monogamous, either by choice (hotwives) or by submission (cuckolds).
8 thoughts on “Your husband is a cuckold: A beginner’s introduction to the seductive world of wife-sharing, cuckolding, and the hotwife phenomenon”
This was a good reflection on hotwifng. I’m going to share with my wife and get her take
not all men want to share their wife. some Men will hurt folks who do this to him
That’s right, Lou! It’s not for everyone. We want couples to do what is best for them!
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