From Chaucer to the Alt-Right, “cuckold” is synonymous with humiliation, shame, and the cluelessness of bumbling men.
Why would anyone say that cuckold relationships aren’t about humiliating the cuckold husband?
This article will cover that question with three points:
- The cuckolding fantasy covers more ground than the old definition
- Teasing isn’t the same thing as humiliation
- Cuckold husbands simply enjoy having an unfaithful wife
Why a cuckold fantasy isn’t like having a cheating wife sneaking around behind your back
Chaucer’s telling of the cuckold story pretty much nails the trope. A seductive young vixen marries a clueless old bumbler and, unsatisfied, finds herself playing the field whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Men who get into this fantasy aren’t usually thinking about it that way. In fact, a woman who just cheated on them isn’t on the radar.
Surprisingly for those civilians watching from outside, a husband with a cuckold fantasy might be very hurt by his wife having a real affair behind his back.
Sure, he might still masturbate to the thought of it… but he can be hurt by infidelity just like any regular guy.
The cheating isn’t what turns on the cuck. It’s the sex.
READ MORE about the difference between cheating and cuckolding
These are two different things, believe it or not… and the difference between cheating and consensual sex outside the marriage makes all the difference.
Let’s see how.
How teasing replaces shame
To the outsider a lot of the cuck’s wish list might seem indistinguishable from a dirty cheating wife.
- He wants her to tell him how his dick is too small and doesn’t satisfy her.
- He loves it when she flirts with other men in public.
- He asks her to wear tight pants, short dresses, low-cut tops and other revealing clothes.
- He might ask her to deny him sex, from a ban on cumming inside her to a full-on ban on intercourse (or even the chastity cage)
- A cuck might encourage his wife to spend the night at her lover’s house, in his bed.
To those with vanilla tastes, it’s hard to see how this is different from plain old adultery.
Well, to the cuckold husband, it’s very different.
Why? Because his wife is doing these things with his consent and encouragement.
And not only that.
She’s throwing it in his face.
Yes, honey, I am a dirty slut and you know what? That young guy at the bar is going to enjoy fucking me tonight while you jerk off in the shower.
Unlike the adulterous wife, the cuckoldress uses the tease to lightly spice the cuckold’s experience. Full strength vindaloo isn’t for everybody… but once you love it, you even love the burn.
Which brings us to the third and last thing…
Why a cuckold can enjoy an unfaithful wife without feeling insecure
Like any super-hot dish or super-bitter drink — like black coffee or hopped beers — cuckolding is an acquired taste.
And just like you have to get used to heat in your food, the cuckold has adjusted himself to the discomfort of jealousy and teasing by his wife.
He’s getting off on the most exotic sexual dish. It’s taboo, it’s risking all kinds of personal and professional backlash, and most of all, it’s just weird to the average person.
Or is it? It turns out that when you take away the social stigma, cuckolding usually ranks somewhere in the top three sexual fantasies for men. Fancy that.
Is it really that weird, or is there just a lot of social pressure to be that super-macho guy who could never enjoy non-monogamy? You can make up your own mind there.
But isn’t humilation in the eye of the beholder? Isn’t a cucked husband humiliated no matter what he gets out of it?
Maybe. In traditional communities, this would be true. We’re in more progressive times these days. But whether he is or isn’t publicly shamed is out of his control, or anyone’s control. And that’s not the kind of humiliation we’re worried about in this context.
What matters as far as the cuckold fantasy is whether the husband needs to feel humiliated by his wife or her lover in order to enjoy himself.
And that isn’t how it has to work.
Some men, many men, with cuckold fantasies don’t get into humiliation. Some don’t understand it at all. They just want their wives to get laid.
- The cuckold fantasy isn’t about having a wife break the emotional bonds of the marriage.
- Teasing, while similar to humiliation, isn’t the same thing as destroying respect for the man.
- Cuckold fantasies are often more about the wife’s exploits than how it makes the man feel disrespected.
Lots of married women are involved in porn, more now than ever that the stigma isn’t life-ruining.
Men can be fully capable of enjoying the thrill and sensuality of sharing their wives sexually, without needing to be psychologically damaged or emotionally hurt in the process.